Counseling: How can it help me?
Let's Get Started
Donna Hampton
(336) 749-2952
donnahamptoncounseling.com
I often hear clients say, especially in our first meeting, that they feared that it might be awkward or scary to talk about with a counselor, a “complete stranger” about deeply personal issues.
Others share that they believed they should be able to work through their concerns or struggles on their own.
Some share that they were taught that they should just ignore things that bother them ⎯ and that they will “go away” if only they look on the bright side or if they think more positively or just pray harder.
Far too many clients, sadly, share that they were taught that seeking help is a sign of weakness, that going to therapy “is only for crazy people.”
Often, too, shame or a fear of being judged keeps people from accessing the help they need and deserve ⎯ and that will very likely improve their lives.
So many times throughout my career, new clients have produced a worn business card of mine given to them by a kind family member or friend, sharing that they have carried it around with them for months or even years; I assured them that it’s my firm belief that all of us “do what we can when we can.”
Here are just a few of the concerns that can be addressed through counseling.
Death-Related Grief & Loss
Experiencing the death of a loved one is often the most painful and stressful event that happens in our lives. And sometimes that grief can be complicated by hollow platitudes or by well-intentioned, but inaccurate or even inappropriate things that others say to us ⎯ and that frequently cause us to believe we should be responding differently than we are.
Grief can also be tremendously compounded by trauma, such as a sudden death, a very lengthy illness, by seeing shocking physical decline in a once-solidly-healthy person, by the cognitive ravages of Alzheimer’s Disease, etc.
Grief can be exacerbated by a complicated relationship that existed with the person who died. I often describe grief as a chronic condition, with periods of intense flare-ups and with periods of slight or even full remission; it is not a linear process marked by definitive stages.
Grief can lay quietly for months or years or decades, and then become cracked open by a new loss, by a movie, by a random stranger that reminds us of our deceased loved one, by music in a restaurant, by a beautiful sunset or sunrise…by nearly anything.
That can feel very frightening and disorienting, and yet it’s normal within the arc of deep grief. I’ve worked with thousands and thousands of bereaved individuals and sitting in that space of sadness and despair is an honor, whether individually or in groups. I remain deeply moved, too, by the healing that is possible and the ways in which lives and hearts can open again.
It’s also important to acknowledge that many other experiences throughout life are also filled with grief, including divorce, job loss, moves, break-ups, etc. Many of the same experiences of loss are felt with these painful life transitions, as well.
Trauma
Surviving trauma, at any age or stage, often impacts every facet of a person’s life, and frequently changes the ways we think, learn, feel, and interact with the world around us. We also know that trauma often becomes “frozen” in our minds and in our bodies, frequently leading to depression, anxiety and panic, insomnia, and even physical pain and illness. I have helped hundreds and hundreds of clients resolve deeply painful traumas with a combination of ‘traditional’ therapy and EMDR ⎯ and I remain inspired by such openness, courage, and resilience.
Anxiety
While small amounts of anxiety can motivate us to prepare, study, or rehearse, higher levels of anxiety can prevent us from fully experiencing our lives. We may feel incapacitated by fear, worry, intrusive, and negative thoughts ⎯ and this often causes our world to become smaller and more restrictive. Counseling can help clients manage anxiety through adapting more positive self-talk and by learning healthy coping skills. Additionally, EMDR often helps lessen or alleviate anxiety altogether by reprocessing the traumas that originally caused or exacerbated the anxiety.
Depression
While everyone feels ‘sad’ or ‘down’ at times, depression is quite different and involves longer periods of feeling alienated, isolated, hopeless, and unmotivated. Sometimes, well-meaning family and friends encourage us to “look on the bright side,” to “think of all there is to be grateful for,” to “think positively, to “pray harder,” and this invariably leads to feelings of guilt and responsibility for a person struggling with depression. Counseling can help clients better manage depression by helping to develop achievable goals, maintain accountability, and by providing a space free of “shoulds.”
Additionally, EMDR often helps relieve depressive symptoms by reprocessing the traumas and negative beliefs at the root of one’s depression. And sometimes, we work together to identify additional treatments offered by other providers that may be beneficial for clinical depression, such as medication, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Ketamine Therapy, or other regimens.
Negative Self-Beliefs
We know that trauma, whether “little t” traumas that are unique to an individual (such as being made fun of on the playground in elementary school) or “Big T” traumas (such as a sexual assault, domestic violence, war), is always impactful and is always linked to a negative (or maladaptive) belief about oneself.
For example, that child may carry the belief, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unlovable” for a lifetime. The assault survivor may believe “I’m responsible” or “I should have done something.” EMDR gives our brains the opportunity to reprocess these traumas, leading to healthier, more adaptive beliefs, more proportionate responses, and immensely improved lives.
Boundary Setting
Most people have at least one person or situation in their lives that challenges their patience, their well-being, and their boundaries on a routine basis. For example, some clients come to counseling because they have a family member who is addicted to drugs or alcohol, and they are seeking assistance in discerning between “enabling” and “helping.” Some have a friend with seemingly bottomless needs, and they need help determining how to navigate those expectations.
Others have a family member with significant mental health issues that lead to escalation and conflict inherent in every interaction, and they want help discerning when “enough is enough.” Often, boundaries are necessary to protect oneself, rather than to ‘punish’ others. While counseling doesn’t necessarily provide an “answer” to these difficult circumstances, both traditional counseling and EMDR help clients identify their own values, limitations, and patterns ⎯ and then helps them to establish and maintain boundaries that suit their particular situation.
“Donna never judges; instead, she shares her vast knowledge and experience in ways that are kind and caring and, most of all, real. I invariably left each session with something new to consider or implement - coping skills that have served me well.”
- Elizabeth
ADHD
Growing up in the 70s and 80s, I’d never heard of ADHD - and, sadly, I reflect back on various classmates who were labeled as “unmotivated” or as “disruptive” or as “lazy” or even as “bad.”
In retrospect, many of them were likely struggling with ADHD - and have, devastatingly, often carried those negative messages into the rest of their lives.
Likewise, even now, very few clients walk into my office sharing that they struggle with ADHD; rather, they have been as-yet undiagnosed and present with anxiety, depression, neglected self-care, unrealized potential, academic failures, job losses, a pervasive lack of motivation, and a barrage of negative, bullying internal messages that dictate many - if not all - areas of their lives (academics, work life, substance use, electronic devices / social media, eating and exercise, relationships, finances, etc.).
Often, upon receiving an ADHD diagnosis, clients reflect emphatically “This explains my whole life!” This alone is extremely validating and can automatically help alter the forward trajectory of that person’s life.
Together, with this valuable information, we:
develop a much deeper understanding of the many varied nuances, presentations, and challenges of living with ADHD - and especially of the ways in which ADHD manifests and presents in females
share invaluable resources (books, websites, podcasts; funny [and usually diagnostic!] ADHD memes; etc.)
co-create concrete self-management skills; build accountability both within and outside the counseling session
help to re-set the ADHD brain’s default, as its natural default is often one of self-sabotage
and ultimately set the client up for success.
Having an acute awareness of both the frustrations that those in relationships with people who have ADHD experience - and often verbalize - in addition to the negative self-messaging that occurs for the person with ADHD, I see ADHD through both that “everyday life” lens and through the lens of trauma.
Understanding this important - and often overlooked and undervalued - relationship enables me to utilize both EMDR interventions and specific ADHD self-management tools to increase adaptive self-talk, to boost follow-through and motivation, and to enhance executive function.
As with depression, we may also work together to identify additional resources offered by other providers that may be beneficial, such as medication, ADHD Coaching, Tutoring, or other regimens.
Learn more about ADHD
Life Transitions
Life is filled with change...every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year: graduation; marriage; parenthood; divorce; significant losses; returning to school to embark upon a new career; exciting new professional opportunities; job losses; health crises; a shift from being the parent of a biological son or daughter to being the parent of a child in transition; worldwide health pandemics; geographic moves; accidents; political upheaval; the rise of Artificial Intelligence; health recoveries; ourselves or a spouse, sibling, child, parent, friend coming out as gay, non-binary, bisexual, or queer; etc.
The list of life transitions we experience as human beings is truly never-ending - and sometimes we adjust to these transitions easily and joyously.
At other times, though, we may need additional support to work through and adjust to these changes; even the “good ones” may cause unexpected feelings, uncertainty, confusion, or fear. Talking with a trusted professional in a safe and non-judgemental environment can help to provide support, alternative views, validation, gentle challenges, and clarity.
Relationship Challenges
We all benefit from varying degrees of social engagement and relationships with others ⎯ and, yet, sometimes those relationships are not healthy, become toxic, or are even harmful emotionally or physically. Therapy helps clients identify their own patterns, the roles they may play in their relationship challenges, whether they are committed to “working it out,” or if it is time to make deliberate changes. Within a trusting and safe therapeutic relationship, clients remain supported regarding their decisions and goals.
Overall Wellness
Our physical selves routinely require exercise, good nutrition, appropriate rest, and proper healthcare to feel our best. Likewise, our emotional selves benefit from regularly talking through concerns, resolving trauma, challenging negative beliefs that hold us back, expressing our emotions, and fine-tuning our goals. We are able to live intentionally, deliberately, and more meaningfully, rather than by default, when we place a priority on regularly addressing our emotional well-being.
“If I choose, not out of fear, but out of courage, to speak, then there’s something unique that my words can become... It might feel like every story has been told before, but the truth is, no one’s ever told my story in the way I would tell it.”
